Today is kind of a day I always dread.
I tend to get very emotional about my children. These 3 boys that stole my heart the minute I heard their heartbeat inside of me. 3 boys that deserve the whole world. 3 boys that I wish I could change their circumstances. 3 boys whose lives have had many hardships and pain because of my choices and decisions.
While they are not fatherless, they have no worldly fathers who are investing in their lives
That’s a painful truth for me to swallow. It’s a painful reality that I feel the heaviness of so much lately. It is heartbreaking to hear your child cry at night because they don’t have a dad in the sense they see their friends do.
I’ve been praying that God will send my boys a man who will be a father to them for the rest of their lives. Sooner rather than later. But boys desire the attention of a man so desperately now. They need the guidance that a man can give now while they are young and very impressionable. And let’s face it, no matter how many people text me on Father’s Day and tell me that I’m an amazing mom doing the job of 2 people, I am not a father. I never will be. I will never be able to give my boys what a man can. There are things about being a boy that I will never understand. Rough housing and video games will never interest me! And on the opposite side, no man will ever be able to give kids what a mother does
My heart breaks when I see children with their fathers. Playing. Laughing. Making memories. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE seeing dads with their kids. But it hurts. Just like when I see a wonderful family all enjoying life together. Sometimes it’s a bitter reminder of what my life is lacking. I don’t want to be jealous, but it brings up painful reminders of my failures. Always being surrounded by whole families and watching dad’s with their kids really can bring me down. It’s the same with my boys. If they spend too much time seeing a dad play with his kids, there is some major heartbreak that comes to the surface. My heart breaks that they have missed out on so much. They have deep wounds that I can’t heal.
God has answered some prayers in the past year though. I don’t know what the future holds for me. I don’t know how long I will be a single mom. I don’t know when a “father” will come into their lives, but I do know that God is bringing people into our lives that have filled some of the void.
I’ve been trying to teach my children that God is the greatest father. He’s the greatest husband. He will never turn his back, never be too busy, we will never have to question his love. But to little boys, they can’t throw a football around with God. He isn’t there to tuck them into bed, or read them a book. He will never coach their baseball team or even be in the crowd cheering them on. Our hearts want what our hearts want.
So today, I am thanking God for a few particular people who God has sent to my boys. Maybe it’s for just a season, and maybe they will be forever relationships. Either way, my boys feel loved. Thank you for taking time out of your lives to do something a father would do with his son. Thank you for talking to my children about God, His love, His forgiveness. Thank you for setting an example and showing them what a man is. Thank you for living out God’s love in my children’s lives.
I’ve prayed for years for people like you! And somehow, God brought you into our lives. You are all fathers yourselves, so I know taking time out of your life can be difficult! Whether you are a friend, a coach, a teacher, a mentor, youth pastor, or family, you have all impacted my boys, and I know you will continue to do so.
I pray for these men out here who are physical fathers and spiritual fathers! You’ve given them a job that is irreplaceable and so very important! I pray that you will bring other men to their side to build them up even more! I pray that they will feel honored and that they will know what a great gift they have been given! I ask that you will immensely bless the men who are giving up their time and resources to children that aren’t even their blood. Thank you for giving them a heart to fight for these kids! Thank you for softening their hearts for the fatherless! I pray that someday they will see the fruit of the seeds they have planted! I pray that you will provide for them in ways they never imagined possible, that they will have more time and resources to take care of their own children!
You will never know how much my heart loves you for what you have done! You’ll never know how much my children truly look up to you and enjoy your presence! I know you are a gift from God, even if it’s only for a season!
The greatest of all Fathers is God! He loves every one of His children Whatever your circumstance, His heart is turned towards you! He just wants you to need him more than you need your circumstance to change!